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Say what?!: Becoming a mom (and other life surprises!)

Becoming a mom was definitely not part of the plan at this point in my story. But life has a way of giving you just what you need (and never more than you can handle!) These are just passing thoughts, and the little surprises I've had along my journey. ❤️

Mommy lessons.. part 1

I like to think that I’m a pretty intelligent person. And I thought that I was well informed on becoming a parent as my pregnancy neared the end. But there were just some things that I just didn’t know until I actually became a parent.

Everyone is going to have an opinion about your parenting, and they won’t be shy to share it

And I’m not just talking about people you know. I’m also talking about strangers. Complete. Fucking. Strangers. People not afraid to approach you and tell you exactly what they think you’re doing wrong. And you know what? Some of these people won’t even be parents themselves.

People make a big deal about breastfeeding

Even if your baby is covered, you will get dirty looks from strangers. And if they don’t fully show their distaste with a dirty stare, they will uncomfortably look away, scared to get caught looking in your direction. Oh, and even family members will become vocal about publicly breastfeeding. *eyeroll*

You will function on the smallest amount of sleep you’ve ever gotten (and sometimes that will mean no sleep at all)

Even though during your pre baby days you HAD to have 8 or more hours to feel normal. You’ll rock the whole parent thing on no sleep because your baby needs you to.

Your body will NOT be the same

Now, I knew my body would change. (Stretch marks and a c section scar show the journey my body went through.) But even if you get back to a weight you were before, things are just different. My hips are wider. My tummy is a different shape. And the boobs, well obviously.

Some people  (including other moms) will judge you for having a c section 

Comments I’ve heard – not natural, doesn’t count as real labour, it’s taking the easy way out. Are you fucking kidding me? I was in labour for 12 hours before I had an unplanned c section. My baby was too big for my body to birth vaginally, and I was at risk for infection. That sounds pretty real. And it wasn’t easy at all. 9 months latwr and my c section scar still itches and bothers me sometimes. So shove it.

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Get a puppy they said…it’ll be easy they said…

So, first baby. Getting our first puppy together a few months later seems logical, right?

It’s summertime. I’m home all the time with the baby. It’ll be a piece of cake. Sure.

With some dogs, I’m sure that’s true. But we got a border collie. Now, I’ve grown up with border collies. I know their temperment. I know their energy levels. I just clearly forgot what a PUPPY was like. 

I literally feel like I have twins. Two high maintenance twins. All you twin mama’s, you’re amazing and I don’t know how you do it. 

I’m exhausted. My son’s naptime used to be my relax time. Now it’s all about playtime and walks with the puppy in the yard to make sure he doesn’t have an accident inside. And to keep him from getting bored.

If anything, at least I’m staying active. Haha.

The positive? We love our puppy. And our son LOVES having a puppy as well. He is such an animal lover already. It just melts me.

In all honesty, I wouldn’t change anything. I would maybe just add the odd nap for me into the equation. (I wish)

Baby let me hold you a little longer.

Co-sleeping.

A controversial topic, I know. I co-slept with my son until he was 7 months old. I had to if I was going to get any sleep myself. My son was EBF (exclusively breast fed) at that point and he are like me when he was itty bitty, he was a graiser. No, I didn’t worry about squishing him. My partner didn’t really mind having him in our bed either (he just didn’t like that our son was such a bed hog). We all got some much needed sleep, and when my son wanted to eat, he knew exactly where the boob was. 

By 7 months I was ready to have the bed back. I am a sprawler when it comes to sleeping, and I missed that. I also missed being able to “connect” with my partner too (man, does having kids change that! Lol) So we transitioned my son to his crib. We had 2 tough nights with lots of tears, which I really didn’t want to do. But after those 2 nights, my son who had previously been feeding every 2 hrs was sleeping 8-12 hr stretches. It was amazing. But I also really miss my sleepy baby cuddles. He is now 9 months old and doesn’t like to cuddle when hes tired. He wants his own space to roll and sprawl and get comfy to sleep. 

It’s true what they say, they aren’t little for long. Do what works best for you. Enjoy the cuddles while you can. ❤

Sticky little monsters..

Plain and simple, kids are gross. They are smelly, sticky little monsters.

Ever since my son started eating real food (not baby food, but self feeding actual food) everything is sticky. For a tiny human who can’t walk or properly crawl yet (he is more of a roller at this point) he gets his dirty little hands on EVERYTHING. And he hates getting his hands or faced wiped. 

I can spend the entire day cleaning and you’d never know. 

#joysofparenthood right?

Happy day-after Mother’s Day. Hope everyone enjoyed their day. 

It was my first Mother’s Day and it was great. I was able to sleep in 3 hours longer than usual thanks to my wonderful partner who woke up with our son. I relaxed with coffee, my partner made waffles, and we were able to watch a movie while our son took his nap. We played in the park on the swings, and once the sun came out, played at our new splash table, which our little one loved. The day was finished by a nice family supper with my in laws. It was relaxing and full of love.

HOWEVER. 

With all that relaxing yesterday, today I’m left with all kinds of cleaning that was neglected yesterday. Sigh. Looking at my kitchen while suffering a lack-of-caffeine headache (because I’m trying to cut back/cut out coffee. Hahahahaha I know…crazy right?!) I have ZERO motivation. 

Anyone else feeling the same?

Baby fever

To the few people who might bother to read this, 

How did you know you were on the right path? Doing what you were meant to do? How did you get to a place where you just trusted your decisions?

Ever since having my son, he is 100% my priority. He is my world. His existence in this world changed me completely. To the point that I just do NOT want to go back to work in the fall. I do not want to trust his care and development to anyone else. And I do not want to be anything but a mom. This is what I feel I was meant to do. And now that I have him? Bring on the others. Yup, multiples. I think I want 2 more. At least. I want to be a SAHM. The world’s most exhausting and underpaid job-not paid at all to be exact. But it would be the most gratifying thing, and it is all I can imagine doing now. 

And to want that path now, after having my life mapped out in a completely different way for so long… well I’m feeling a little crazy.

Birth plans? That’s a nice thought. 

It’s been awhile since I’ve written. That is a bad habit I tend to have with blogs, neglecting them. But that’s not the case this time. 

Nope.

This time I have a good reason… I had my beautiful baby boy.

It has been quite the experience. Early labor started on Wednesday, but the hospital sent me home until contractions became more regular. Thursday morning, my partner and I went to a regularly schedule doctor’s appointment, and let me tell you, things were starting to hurt. So we ventured to the hospital right away. By 12 pm on Thursday, we were admitted and our labor journey has begun. 

And for a first time mom, having a plan ended up being a bit pointless. I had NO idea what to expect going in, and trying to plan just did NOT work. 

By 8 pm, the pain had become too much for me. So I said, epidural? Bring it on. And MAN am I glad I did. It made all the difference. The problem? The epidural changed how my contractions came, and dilation took a turn. Things just weren’t working. My body wasn’t cooperating, and by 12 am, I hadn’t dilated in almost 5 hours, and my baby had turned. 

To top things off, I developed a fever and risked getting an infection. This prompted the doctor to bring on the dreaded news…. A c-section was necessary. 

I was so nervous. And getting a c-section was NOT what I wanted (not that I think anything is wrong with them, but I was not prepared for a surgery or the recovery time that came with it). 

But on we went to the operating room. The actual surgery was not bad at all. The surgical team was amazing and really put me at ease. And my partner was great and by my side. By 1:31 am on Friday morning, my son was brought into this world. 

And nothing else from that day mattered. ❤️

Nesting? Or stress cleaning?

I’ve always been the type of person who tends to clean mostly when I’m stressed, angry, avoiding my feelings. Any given day, you can’t MAKE me clean (unless company is on the way, that is).

With being pregnant, my biggest symptom has been exhaustion. I am ALWAYS TIRED. Seriously. If I could nap 18 hours of the day, I could. Easily.

But not today. Today has me WIDE awake. I’m talking up since 3 am doing things. Laundry, prepping freezer meals, and still stopping for the odd movie break.

My friend thinks this is the “nesting” phase that women tend to get just before the baby arrives.

But I wonder, could this be me avoiding my feelings as usual?

I worry that I don’t have our place prepared for baby. I worry that my partner is not ready for the baby (but that’s a conversation we haven’t had yet). I worry about the unknowns that lay ahead of me (ahem, mainly the painful parts, such as labor…)

But being worried about things like that is normal, right?

Back to cleaning, I go! ❤️

Let’s start from the beginning. 

Hey there, blogger world.

My name is Angeline. Writing has always been a favorite pastime for me, but unfortunately something I do not do as much as I’d like anymore. 

Let me introduce myself and give a little bit of a back story to why I decided to start this blog. 

I’m 27 years old, and currently 38 weeks pregnant with my first child. My current story was an unexpected one. Let’s rewind to one year ago… 

One year ago, I was in an unhealthy relationship. A dishonest one, with someone you might use the term “f**kboy” for. He was, admittedly a bit of a rebound after I got out of an 8 year relationship. Hey, we don’t always make the smartest choices, right?

 October 2015 – having realized my bad choice of partner with the “f**kboy”, I was newly single, I decided to play around on the popular app “Tinder” (ick. I know.) to pass time. My second day on the app, I started talking to a guy (who was 3 years younger than I was) who sparked an interest for me. The conversation was unique and fun. It came naturally and it was easy. Comfortable. 

So I stopped talking to anyone else and decided to see where this new connection led. We talked for 2 weeks through text and then decided to meet for coffee. And still, there was that connection. Which was great, because I was so over wasting time on people who didn’t deserve my time and attention. 

January 2016 – a week into the new year was when our story really took a turn. Surprise! I was 2 months pregnant! Not exactly what you expect to happen SO early into a relationship. 

Let’s not forget, dating in this day and age is HARD. This current generation fears commitment. Fears defining the boundaries of relationships. Fears getting tied down with titles of “what we are”… And that’s exactly the obstacle we encountered. 

With the news of this little surprise, we were forced to have those hard conversations. Define what we were, decide where we might see this going, and really figure out what we wanted to do next. 

We decided to stick together. Talk about instant family, am I right?! We recognized that we had a real connection, and would probably stay together longer term even without a baby on the way, so we knew we could prepare for this baby together. Over the last several months we definitely saw some ups and downs. It’s been hard. We became an instant family while still getting to know each other as individuals. And while I had been in serious relationships before, he hadn’t. Scary, I know. 

Fast forward to today…

We live together. We’ve overcome a lot of struggles together. But right now, we are happy. He’s become a great support system for me. We almost feel prepared for this little bundle of joy to arrive. And I know that we are going to rock being parents, and learn what to do together. 

So there’s an outline of my story. I hope to use this blog to write about my adventures (and misadventures!). To connect with other parents who are going through similar experiences. And to hopefully help me through the ups and downs that I know come along with being a new parent. 

I really do believe that life has a way of giving you exactly what you need, even if you don’t know what that is. And with our story, that’s exactly what happened. ❤️

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