The self-care struggle.

That’s the biggest issue I’ve had since becoming a mom. Self care is tough. I had my son, and before his 1st birthday, I was pregnant with my daughter. I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding for what feels like forever.

2 under 2 keeps you busy. My appearance, my mental health, as well as my physical health has all taken a back seat.

Well, I’ve decided I need to get passed this. Hence why I began to write again.

Self-care, baby!

I want to do better at taking time for myself, but here’s the important part, I want to do so without feeling guilty for putting myself first.

Self care will look a little different each time but it’s all about doing the thing or things I need in that moment to recharge myself.

How can I give my children my best when I don’t feel my best?

I can’t.

And I’m beginning to notice that. My patience has become thin, and I’ve caught myself becoming frustrated with my (almost) 2 year old. And that’s just not fair. That’s not how I want to parent.

So my journey to rediscovering myself as an individual, and my journey of self-care begins today.

❤

Oops, I did it again…

And no, I’m not just singing one of Britney’s biggest hits. I stopped writing. Why is it so difficult to keep up with writing, especially when writing is a form of self care for me?

Life gets busy.

There is always one thing after another, especially with kids. And while on the topic, the plurality of that was intentional. I have KIDS. More than one now. My son will be turning 2 in August, and we also just had a daughter in April!

So life got busy. We decided that the best thing for us if we wanted to continue growing our family, we needed to get out of the city. So a year ago we moved back to my hometown, and quickly became pregnant again.

Life with 2 kids under 2 years old is exhausting.

Like…. extremely exhausting.

But I love it. I love my children. I love that I have both a boy and a girl now. And we will most likely have a third child when the time is right. But man oh man…. I’m tired.

❤

Mommy lessons.. part 1

I like to think that I’m a pretty intelligent person. And I thought that I was well informed on becoming a parent as my pregnancy neared the end. But there were just some things that I just didn’t know until I actually became a parent.

Everyone is going to have an opinion about your parenting, and they won’t be shy to share it

And I’m not just talking about people you know. I’m also talking about strangers. Complete. Fucking. Strangers. People not afraid to approach you and tell you exactly what they think you’re doing wrong. And you know what? Some of these people won’t even be parents themselves.

People make a big deal about breastfeeding

Even if your baby is covered, you will get dirty looks from strangers. And if they don’t fully show their distaste with a dirty stare, they will uncomfortably look away, scared to get caught looking in your direction. Oh, and even family members will become vocal about publicly breastfeeding. *eyeroll*

You will function on the smallest amount of sleep you’ve ever gotten (and sometimes that will mean no sleep at all)

Even though during your pre baby days you HAD to have 8 or more hours to feel normal. You’ll rock the whole parent thing on no sleep because your baby needs you to.

Your body will NOT be the same

Now, I knew my body would change. (Stretch marks and a c section scar show the journey my body went through.) But even if you get back to a weight you were before, things are just different. My hips are wider. My tummy is a different shape. And the boobs, well obviously.

Some people  (including other moms) will judge you for having a c section 

Comments I’ve heard – not natural, doesn’t count as real labour, it’s taking the easy way out. Are you fucking kidding me? I was in labour for 12 hours before I had an unplanned c section. My baby was too big for my body to birth vaginally, and I was at risk for infection. That sounds pretty real. And it wasn’t easy at all. 9 months latwr and my c section scar still itches and bothers me sometimes. So shove it.

Get a puppy they said…it’ll be easy they said…

So, first baby. Getting our first puppy together a few months later seems logical, right?

It’s summertime. I’m home all the time with the baby. It’ll be a piece of cake. Sure.

With some dogs, I’m sure that’s true. But we got a border collie. Now, I’ve grown up with border collies. I know their temperment. I know their energy levels. I just clearly forgot what a PUPPY was like. 

I literally feel like I have twins. Two high maintenance twins. All you twin mama’s, you’re amazing and I don’t know how you do it. 

I’m exhausted. My son’s naptime used to be my relax time. Now it’s all about playtime and walks with the puppy in the yard to make sure he doesn’t have an accident inside. And to keep him from getting bored.

If anything, at least I’m staying active. Haha.

The positive? We love our puppy. And our son LOVES having a puppy as well. He is such an animal lover already. It just melts me.

In all honesty, I wouldn’t change anything. I would maybe just add the odd nap for me into the equation. (I wish)

Baby let me hold you a little longer.

Co-sleeping.

A controversial topic, I know. I co-slept with my son until he was 7 months old. I had to if I was going to get any sleep myself. My son was EBF (exclusively breast fed) at that point and he are like me when he was itty bitty, he was a graiser. No, I didn’t worry about squishing him. My partner didn’t really mind having him in our bed either (he just didn’t like that our son was such a bed hog). We all got some much needed sleep, and when my son wanted to eat, he knew exactly where the boob was. 

By 7 months I was ready to have the bed back. I am a sprawler when it comes to sleeping, and I missed that. I also missed being able to “connect” with my partner too (man, does having kids change that! Lol) So we transitioned my son to his crib. We had 2 tough nights with lots of tears, which I really didn’t want to do. But after those 2 nights, my son who had previously been feeding every 2 hrs was sleeping 8-12 hr stretches. It was amazing. But I also really miss my sleepy baby cuddles. He is now 9 months old and doesn’t like to cuddle when hes tired. He wants his own space to roll and sprawl and get comfy to sleep. 

It’s true what they say, they aren’t little for long. Do what works best for you. Enjoy the cuddles while you can. ❤

Sticky little monsters..

Plain and simple, kids are gross. They are smelly, sticky little monsters.

Ever since my son started eating real food (not baby food, but self feeding actual food) everything is sticky. For a tiny human who can’t walk or properly crawl yet (he is more of a roller at this point) he gets his dirty little hands on EVERYTHING. And he hates getting his hands or faced wiped. 

I can spend the entire day cleaning and you’d never know. 

#joysofparenthood right?

Happy day-after Mother’s Day. Hope everyone enjoyed their day. 

It was my first Mother’s Day and it was great. I was able to sleep in 3 hours longer than usual thanks to my wonderful partner who woke up with our son. I relaxed with coffee, my partner made waffles, and we were able to watch a movie while our son took his nap. We played in the park on the swings, and once the sun came out, played at our new splash table, which our little one loved. The day was finished by a nice family supper with my in laws. It was relaxing and full of love.

HOWEVER. 

With all that relaxing yesterday, today I’m left with all kinds of cleaning that was neglected yesterday. Sigh. Looking at my kitchen while suffering a lack-of-caffeine headache (because I’m trying to cut back/cut out coffee. Hahahahaha I know…crazy right?!) I have ZERO motivation. 

Anyone else feeling the same?

Baby fever

To the few people who might bother to read this, 

How did you know you were on the right path? Doing what you were meant to do? How did you get to a place where you just trusted your decisions?

Ever since having my son, he is 100% my priority. He is my world. His existence in this world changed me completely. To the point that I just do NOT want to go back to work in the fall. I do not want to trust his care and development to anyone else. And I do not want to be anything but a mom. This is what I feel I was meant to do. And now that I have him? Bring on the others. Yup, multiples. I think I want 2 more. At least. I want to be a SAHM. The world’s most exhausting and underpaid job-not paid at all to be exact. But it would be the most gratifying thing, and it is all I can imagine doing now. 

And to want that path now, after having my life mapped out in a completely different way for so long… well I’m feeling a little crazy.

Birth plans? That’s a nice thought.

It’s been awhile since I’ve written. That is a bad habit I tend to have with blogs, neglecting them. But that’s not the case this time. 

Nope.

This time I have a good reason… I had my beautiful baby boy.

It has been quite the experience. Early labor started on Wednesday, but the hospital sent me home until contractions became more regular. Thursday morning, my partner and I went to a regularly schedule doctor’s appointment, and let me tell you, things were starting to hurt. So we ventured to the hospital right away. By 12 pm on Thursday, we were admitted and our labor journey has begun. 

And for a first time mom, having a plan ended up being a bit pointless. I had NO idea what to expect going in, and trying to plan just did NOT work. 

By 8 pm, the pain had become too much for me. So I said, epidural? Bring it on. And MAN am I glad I did. It made all the difference. The problem? The epidural changed how my contractions came, and dilation took a turn. Things just weren’t working. My body wasn’t cooperating, and by 12 am, I hadn’t dilated in almost 5 hours, and my baby had turned. 

To top things off, I developed a fever and risked getting an infection. This prompted the doctor to bring on the dreaded news…. A c-section was necessary. 

I was so nervous. And getting a c-section was NOT what I wanted (not that I think anything is wrong with them, but I was not prepared for a surgery or the recovery time that came with it). 

But on we went to the operating room. The actual surgery was not bad at all. The surgical team was amazing and really put me at ease. And my partner was great and by my side. By 1:31 am on Friday morning, my son was brought into this world. 

And nothing else from that day mattered. ❤️